Behind The Suitcase
by Naked Fish
Summary: Chapter 3 is bang bang banging the floor! It wants, nay, NEEDS to be read! Read it, and you'll find a child whom gropes suitcases, A giant read ant called Gemima, Wakka with his pants on fire, Lulu and her nasty thoughts, and Yuna down to 0 brain power!
1. Default Chapter

Well well well, I never would be writing this if Fanfiction.net hadn't DELETED FFX Characters In A RAndom Palace Room! I'm serious! It's gone! Man. Maybe it's 'Cause it didn't have a plot? Well now I have to make it up again from scratch since all my files were recently destroyed and I don't remember anything! THAT WAS MY MOST SUCCESSFUL STORY! BUT YOU'VE RUINED IT NOW! Anyhow, I guess I should get to the point, ya? 

Everybody remembers that just before you leave Besaid, Yuna wants to take a suitcase that holds presents for the temples they're going to visit, right? If you don't you're stupid. You go now! Anyway, now that they're gone, I can get to the point. Again. Exactly where did that suitcase go? I walked back into Besaid straight after that scene, and it was GONE! So, I have made some crazy chronicles of the suitcases life. And don't you go stealing my idea! My muse is a slippery little bargainer, lending my ideas to everyone. IT'S MINE NOW! 

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X, but the suitcase has been utterly ignored and is now MINE! Unless you're thinking about taking me to court, 'cause in that case, it's Squaresofts! 

Behind…The Suitcase!

Hello. My name is Gary, the suitcase. Everyone thinks of me as just a normal suitcase used to lug around whatever they like, without even asking! But now I'm going to go on a real adventure, on a Pilgrimage, with a summoner no less! I'll bet I'll be thrown at fiends, dropped on boats, people will trip over me, and best of all, and I'll carry things! If that suitcase man could only see me now, going places I've never dreamed!

" You really don't need all that luggage." Some lady yelled from the center of the village. Who are you to talk lady? We're on top of stairs, we're above you! Right Yuna?

" I-It's not mine, they are gifts for the temples we are to visit." She seems intimidated. I don't blame her, that lady in all black looks like a demon or a Goth or Satan's Wife, something like that. Yuna's grip on my handle loosened. No Yuna! Don't give in!

" This isn't a vacation Yuna." Shut up spike boy! Don't say her name like that! Respect her name with your tone of voice, because I'm in charge!

"I guess…I guess you're right." No! Don't leave me here! It stinks horribly and that dog keeps urinating on me! Please! No!

You can't get rid of me! I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth, I'll swim in the sea, I'll—ah to hell with it, I'll just stay here.

I watched them walk away silently, well, most of them anyway. Spike boy was singing some weird song about this girls boobs. I take it that Satan's wife was offended, because she hit him after a few lines. But as soon as they left, the village was quite again. Except for the murders going on in the temple behind me. They were quite loud. So, here I am, left on the steps by myself, when this weird guy in a black trench coat grabs me. Careful buddy! He's a smoker, NOT good for my leather. So I just sit still and let him drag me along. Crazy Ronsos. I mean, doesn't he even try to hide the fact he's with the Ronso Mafia? What the hell is the Mafia doing in Besaid? Besaid is obviously for the ' Smack Bang Ya's'. Watch yourself Mafia boy! Yevon, didn't I just say no smoking? 

" Hey Yuna? Don't you think we should've put away that suitcase?" Tidus asked nervously while Wakka and Lulu took care of a nearby fiend. Yuna stood still for a moment. She blinked, and brought her eyes to meet his again. 

" Huh? What suitcase?" she looked utterly confused, honey brown hair falling in front of her multi-colored eyes. 

 " The suitcase! The one you left on the temple steps!" his horribly annoying hand gesture made her smile. She was the only one who didn't feel like choking him when he did that. Little nerves in her head sparked as the wheels inside her head grinded against them, but the light bulb refused to light up. And the little hamster powering her thoughts was obviously starving for more knowledge. Brainpower was down to 0%. 

" Yuna? You okay?" Tidus nudged her, and she just fell to the ground like a brick. He started to sweat, his feet twitched in the hope he would turn and sprint, his mind heated up with all the possible decisions, and his hands poured with sweat until even wiping them against his overalls wouldn't even help. His teeth started to chatter and his eyes began scanning the area for possible escape from the protective Wakka and Lulu. It was obvious he couldn't dodge magic, or Wakka's extremely accurate blitzball. So instead, he decided to do some thing that would make it look like he was more worried than he really was. Scream like a woman. That was **definitely **the wrong thing to do, because no sooner had he done so all hell broke loose with Wakka and Lulu and Kimahri. Wakka had an asthma attack, something strange for a blitzball player, Lulu stumbled and let loose a Fire spell on his yellow 'shirt', and Kimahri started to howl and ran into the forest to go eat some unsuspecting human. 

" Waaaaaaah! Get it off! Get it off! It burns!" 

" Roll on the ground, roll!" Wakka didn't seem to hear, because her took off screaming down the path. Tidus however, had taken to shaking Yuna. 

" Uh, I'll help you two once I find Wakka." Lulu hurried off to find the burning hunk of lo- Bad thoughts Lulu! Must proceed to hurt Wakka's feelings in Kilika in revenge against brain. 

_Okay, I know how to fix this! Wait…no I don't! _He thought to himself. So instead he continued screaming and fell to the ground.

Back With The Suitcase… 

Man what is with this Ronso? Opening me up without my permission? This is killing me with embarrassment! Here I am, revealed in all my naked glory to an unruly Ronso hit man. Not o mention all that screaming I can hear in the distance. And all that smoke coming from near the beach? I hope that guys rolling. So anyway, here I am, with this Ronso sniping some guy from Luca. How can I tell? Ronso's would shoot the SBY, and this guy ain't a SBY. I can tell, 'cause anyone that says 'ya?' at the end of the sentence is a member. Ah, so many shootouts back in the day…I was the money suitcase! But now all I carry is nuclear bombs and rifles and weapons of murder. Life is so dull for a suitcase…

Wakka and Lu 

" Waaaaaaaah! Get it off! Get it off!" Wakka jumped up and down as Lulu tried to calm him down enough just to tell him to roll. Of course, people usually aren't calm while burning. So in the meantime, she thought of cruel things to do to him. Use water to purposely hurt him…laugh manically…throw rocks at him…Oh damn, too late. He'd jumped in the water already. 

" Whoa. Man Lu, that's one hell of a strong magic spell, ya? Lucky you didn't fire up my bal-" he stopped when he noticed children listening nearby.

" uh…blitz_balls_, ya?" Lulu just watched him slide his shirt off his body. For her, it was like a strip show. Except with pants on, obviously. Oh, how she wanted to throw him down a feel those strong muscles grindi- BAD LULU! Wakka is friend. No sexual attraction. NONE. ONLY TOY. 

Meanwhile, Yuna's wheels began to turn again. And the first thing she thought was…CRANBERRY SAUCE WITH BUFFALO RUMP!

So what'd ya think? After FF.net ripped my well faring previous story down mercilessly, I went into a depression. Actually, I got too lazy to start up a new story. But finally, after the last three months or so, I got off my ass and finished the last three paragraphs. And that is THAT! Now, just a question to ya'll. Can anyone NOT review? Did anyone have that problem? Because I can't review. I'd like to apologize to Auron's Lover, Qui-Ti, Aurons Mujan, be Nice To Wakka and anyone else's story I was previously reviewing and just...well…stopped. I tried! I really did! Is the problem with my Anti-Virus? I don't think so. Anyone got Norton Anti-Virus and can still review out there? If you can't, email me at Queenoffrench@hotmail.com

That's it for now, 'cept I'll try update more. 

ADIOS AMIGOS!

That Cactuar Muse


	2. Evil Mindy and her Planet Of Brooms

I know, I've taken a while to update. But ideas don't just pop up people! Just because I'm random doesn't mean its easy. Ask any random person out there! It's why we don't update everyday. Hmph. Well, I decided to get off my ass, sit down in another wheelie chair, and get to work. Yep. Time to get to work. Start off the story. Yep………………………………………………….alright I have to start now! NOW!

Ps- I can review again people. I'm okay! Ah, I didn't know how much I wanted to review until I couldn't. 

**Disclaimer: **hey you! You think you're better than me? You don't own FFX? Well, I'm not as good as you so how the hell would I own FFX? Or even start up a company!? See, anything you can do I most probably won't do. Because I'm too lazy. So while you hiring your lawyers and coming up with evidence and losing money and customers, I'll spend my time relaxing on the beach where it's free. Go ahead, sue me. Bet ya can't trace me down. Unless you're a cop…(gulp)

Anything within the **:**** marks are noises coming from the other room. So there.**

Behind The Suitcase 

But alas, Yuna would never know where the Cranberry Sauce went. Well actually, she did. It was at the back of her cupboard, but there was a leprechaun back there and she was going near that thing. It kept biting her. So here she was, lying on the dirt with only a squealing Tidus as company. What a flute. Yes, a flute. Yuna was strange like that. She wasn't too good at teasing. 

Yep. All alone. No one but her and Tidus the Flute. 

"YARGHXJYFBJERFEJRNJAKRGENIWJE STROKE MAH TENDER JGJREBKMFD,KENBFDJBGFGSLEIBFNEFHD OH A CLOVERKJLESAFDHRDGRIRFJF ME TEETH IS YELLOW!"

Oh no! Evil leprechaun! 

"Ah! Wh-whats your name?" Yuna squealed without making much sense. 

"I be telling ye to talk in ye old language! Can't understand y' language sweety!" she was hard to understand, but Yuna, being the Unerish girl she is, knew what to say. 

"What be ye name?" she said surprisingly viciously. 

"I be Jenrie of the isle in Cali! Be ye Yuna, ye old witch that tied thee in powder and called mah Shwob?" Jenrie was a strange, strange leprechaun. 

 "Aye, that be me. And I do m'self proud of it!" Tidus began to wake with this strange talk. He wondered what a talking 'ball of hair' was saying to Yuna. 

"Well then ye be calling mah…**EVIL MINDY!**" 

*** Crowd Gasps * **Dun, dun DUN! She said Mindy! Whoa. 

"Evil Mindy? She's that evil legendary…legend!" Tidus yelled, and with a flip of his hair using extra care, strutted his stuff to look real tough.  

_With __Gary__ (remember, the suitcase?)_

Damn that Ronso! He let out Jenrie the leprechaun! Or more commonly known as Evil Mindy. She's pretty damn scary, especially with that butter knife. Man can she butter! She was the SBY (Smack Bang Ya's!) secret weapon, but once she buttered Wakka's hand they realised, they wanted nachos. And so they forgot all about her. My thing is, when do I get to go on a pilgrimage? Cousin Bob went on one, Cousin Pierre went on one, even Cousin Shat-Head went on a pilgrimage! I WILL HAVE MY OWN PILGRIMAGE! And I will call this pilgrimage…Eliza. Yes. I will go on a merry trip of Eliza! LOOK! WE'RE LEAVING TO THE PORT! Forwards, for we shall start Eliza today!

*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*

Back With Wakka and Lulu

*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*()_*

"Wakka, look at you! Completely shirtless and wet and sweaty and handsome and tanned skin and…" she drooled.

"Lu? Uh, weren't you supposed to put me down?" Wakka was confused, so much so that he twiddled his toes! TWIDDLED! 

 "Hm? Yes, I did. Uh…in a sarcastic way, of subliminal messaging to send you into a cowering frenzy of superstitious fridges!" Lulu used her frothing lips and sharp tongue to come up with that one. *_See, they're next to her right now! Hello frothing lips, sharp tongue. _

_Frothing Lips: Gosf Nshlay (Good Day) _

_Sharp Tongue: Fuck off!_

_Yes, can you see the similarities between them? _*

"Oh. You know, I don't have to live with these insults, ya! I could bury…UNDER THE SEA!" * Dreams of dancing with fish and eating all types of sea-bread and sea-bacon and sea-fanta*   

 "What the hell are you talking about? You can't dance! Ya muffin!" 

"If you don't shutup, I'ma name you Gertrude!" Wakka had a vicious tone to his voice, the words lashed at her face like whips. WHIP! WHIP THEY SAY!

"Gertrude? No! I'll sound like some sort of a pickle! Nooooooooooooooo!" Lulu spun around in circles for a little while. 

"Pickle, Pickle! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah, nyah! Gertrude is pickle! Gertrude is a pickle!" the children spat. So she was a spinning, saliva covered, naked (Don't know how she got naked), green (she's a pickle!), screaming Lulu. Doesn't seem so attractive when she's covered in saliva, green, and sand covered does she? 

Maroda: Yes.

Did I mention her name is Gertrude?

Maroda: AH! EW! DISGUSTING HO!

Ehem, anyway, back to the problem at hand.

"Look Lu, I won't call you Gertrude…if you do something for me, ya? Or rather _to me." Wakka had a rather seductive grin. _

With Tidus, Yuna and Evil Mindy

"Dance for ye! Dance for ye! Dance for ye, WEE!" 

   Yuna was rather embarrassed. Rather scared. Rather beautiful smelling. Rather NAKED. Oh no she wasn't, scratch that you SLUT!

"Must I dance?" Evil Mindy bit Yuna rather hard. She was rather pained. 

"YES! Fer I be waiting for this sexy young thing to awaken the leprechaun inside of me." Evil Mindy swayed her head, as if she was a meticulous petal in the wind of HATE!  

(An: I don't know what meticulous means…)

"What does that have to do with me?" Yuna was quite confused, and her skirt was too, so it showed it concern by summoning the wind and blowing towards the skies. Luckily, she had three hundred other disposable skirts beneath it, so that in the attempted rape category, the rapist's boredom would overcome their desire. And it worked! On Luzzu anyway. Horny bastard.

"Shutup! MINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINI!" AND SUDDEN BEAM OF GREEN CAME FROM THE PLANET OF BROOMS, AND STRUCK EVIL MINDY ON THE SPOT! 

"Ah piddlypoop." And away she flew.

"Well thank goodness for that! Last time she came around she made me strip. All the way until I was shirtless! ALL THE WAY! SHIRTLESS!" Somehow it had been a 'horrible' experience for Tidus. Although some people weren't having such horrible ones. **Wink wink**-Gertrude and Fireboy-**Nudge nudge**

"Come along Tidus, its time to board the ship." And with the sound of her voice, Yuna soothed his nerves. 

We'd go to Lulu and Wakka…but…this is rated PG, and that's goes along a much higher rating. So tiddletetee!

Yuna and Tidus sat rather boredly in their room. They were oblivious to hormones at the moment; they had been disabled by the Plant Of Brooms beam for a day or two.

"Well, isn't it convenient our room is located right beside Lulu and Wakka's?" Yuna said softly as she laid her body down on the ONE bed. 

"I guess. Although I can't help but notice those noises coming from their room…" Tidus was confused to what the noises were. Any intelligent person would've figured it out. Are YOU intelligent or a spotted cow with the body of a frivolous PINT of piss? I should hope not. So anyway, being the hormoneless teenagers they were, Tidus and Yuna crawled into bed and lay in silence. 

** : *moaning *** :****

"See Yuna? There are strange noises coming from there!" Tidus exclaimed.

**: *male voice growls***** :**

"There are too. Is that a fiend?"

**: *****bed starts squeaking*** :****

 "I don't think so. Those two are doing something, though." Tidus scrunched up his face. 

**: *moaning***** : **

"There's that noise again!" A certain red haired blitzers name is called out by a female voice. Both Yuna and Tidus become pale. 

**: *****screaming*** :****

"Oh…I think we should ignore those noises. Nothing to be heard Yuna. Absolutely nothing. Goodnight." Tidus turned away from the wall. 

"What do you mean? I'd like to know what's going on. Maybe we should just take a little peek? Someone could be hurt from all that groaning and screaming." 

"NO! I think it's about the extreme opposite of pain.

The planet of brooms effect wore off, and they regained their hormones.

"I mean, yes Yuna, I believe we should." And away Tidus crawled with his video camera, towards the small hole in the wall. He pressed the big red button. I said record. Can you believe that? I mean, RECORD, of all things to say. 

"So, what are they doing Tidus?" Yuna sat up in the bed; her hands folded AS USUAL, LIKE THE UNERISH FISH SHE IS! Ehem. Anyway.

"Um…They're moving a lot…um…I think…they're nake-" Tidus finally accepted what was happening in the other room," No, they're uh…massaging each others feet." Tidus commended himself on a well put cover up.

"Really? Let me see." Before Tidus had a chance to make up a lie, he was viciously pushed onto the floor and out of the fish like girls way. He quickly scampered to watch with her, and repeatedly told himself he was only doing so to keep Yuna innocent.

"Are you sure? That doesn't look like Wakka's hand. Too big."

Tidus blanched. 

"Uh…I'm certain. Yuna, us guys know this stuff, so uh, time for bed, right?" He started to lift her up.

"But his 'hand' is like, thir-"

"BED, Yuna." And he forcibly forced her to sleep. Of course, he sat up and recorded the entire thing.

_To __Gary_

Pf. Ya know, I might have had a half-decent nights sleep if it hadn't been for that couple next door making all that noise last night. Damn, did they have a good time or what!? The Ronso's keeping me had an argument. Ronso's are quite slow witted. One Ronso insisted they were playing 'Uno', another that they were playing poker, one said they were having a personal wild off, if you catch his drift, and the last said the must be massaging each others feet. Where'd he get that from? You'd have to be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal slow to buy that shit. Or damn naïve. Oh well, all I can say is that girl was a FOX. And a howler. Oh, by the way, the Lucan hostage thinks she's a werewolf and she was eating the blitzball guy. How do we know he's a blitzball guy? Well, there's a peep hole in every cabin for the…old perverted men. Well, one of ours was covered by his 'Besaid aurochs' pants. Now I'll have nothing more to speak of on that notion. Good day to you, and please somebody tell this Ronso to STOP SMOKING! MY DAMN LEATHER IS DYING HERE!

Well, well, well, that was very…not like me. But oh well, I'm a teenager, there's gotta be SOME mental changes, right? Yeah. Sure. So anyway, I'm going to hold you guys to a poll. You don't have to vote, but if you don't I'll hate you and won't say thank you. In fact, I think I'm going to thank all those who reviewed right now.

**Solei Lizebeth Alice Grinaldi- Woo. What a name to type. Well, I guess a lot of people would say 'poor thing', but it'll meet up with them soon enough. Besides, I still have to make them fight Sin, and the suitcase is going to help…dunno how yet. I'll find out though.**

**Clownsareevil & Darkshadowheartless- coughs.**

**Guffrey- Have you reviewed one of my fics before? I swear I've heard that name. Oh well, thanks for the review, didn't think anyone would laugh. I thought they'd throw their wine at it or…something along those lines.**

**Qui-Ti- Prostitute, eh? Hooker, eh? Where is this leading, eh? I don't know what I'm suggesting by this, eh? Why do I keep saying eh, eh? Ahem. Anyways, where have you been lately? What, doing your own thing, ignoring your FRIENDS! On MSN you wouldn't talk to me and Be Nice To Wakka and Aurons Mujan,  and so I came up with the theory that you're a paedophile tracking us down as we speak to you on MSN so you can molest us. Prove me wrong.**

 **NanakiThirteen-** Hmm…I used my initiative to figure that one out. But don't worry, it was sweet correcting yourself. I think. I don't know, very confused at the moment. Well keep reading and reviewing! 

**Arcandar- …are you trying to tell me something? Something along the lines of…funny? HAHA I THOUGHT SO! I hope I spelt your name properly. New chapter comin' up shortly!**

And now, onto the pole…wait, poll. 

**POLL (or is it pole?)**

What WERE Wakka and Lulu doing in there? Were they-?

**() Touching each other**

**() Doing each others hair**

**() Massaging their feet**

**() Playing Uno**

**() Playing Poker**

**() Lulu was a werewolf and ate Wakka whom just happened to be naked**

**() They were Getting It On!**

Hey, it's your choice, it's not like I readily implied anything. Actually I did, but it's up to what you guys want. Unless I just really want it my way…but then I wouldn't have friends, so it's up to you guys! NOW REVIEW DEAREST!

ADIOS AMIGOS

That Cactuar Muse


	3. The child who sexually abused a suitcase...

Ah, the many children of the south…don't ask, I just really wanted to say that. Oh reviewers, you're all so kind! I'd give you a cookie, had I not eaten them all. I give you a flower, if I had any. I'd give you my dog, had he not been an evil psychopath that mysteriously breaks down fences and attacks young children and tries to rape this girl up the roads de-sexed female dog. *Deep breath* Phew. Oh, I shouldn't have said 'Phew'; it always gets Pokemon music in my head. But I hate Pokemon! How strange. Anyhow, I have made my decision on the subject of what occurred in Lulu and Wakka's room, and you shall be told…sometime during the story. And I'm SORRY I didn't update for so long! I truly am! It's just I kinda forgot, and Fanfiction.net deleted most of my fics, and this is the only one going now, so I sorta expected it to be gone soon enough. BUT ITS NOT! You know why? Because this story has a plot! A hidden plot, but a plot none the less. Well enough me, there's a story to write here. Might be a bit different, since I'm actually working on a serious fic at the moment, and I've been playing Onimusha (part 1, stupid, I'd never get an Xbox). I GOT THE DAMN OCARINA AND THEN I DIED! Damned Dark Realm. Well, tally ho, pip pip horray, I hope the story is just SPIFFING! Sorry 'bout that. 

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill, refer to chapter two or one. Oh, I referred to Onimusha earlier, didn't I? That's by Capcom, always the ones for good games…

**Behind The Suitcase**

Yuna yawned her humongous, fish like mouth. Actually, it was nothing like a fish, but if you change her first letter with Tidus' she becomes Tuna and he becomes Yidus. Some sort of a spade, I guess. Tidus sat by a sphere in the corner, watching so intently that Yuna was certain his eyes would roll out of his head and possibly into a container of lovely Tinkerbelles if he wasn't careful. She sat up, and smelt horrible since people never change their underwear or clothes in games. They really stink. So much so, that Tidus had become accustomed to the smell, and didn't notice her awaken.

"Ah, so that's how you do it…" 

As Yuna remembered, that was the Sphere Tidus had used to record the going ons in Lulu and Wakka's room from the previous night.

"_HEY MINJLING, THE EGGS ARE ON FIRE AND GEMIMAS LEG IS PRINTING YO MAMA!!!!!!!!_" 

_That_ got Tidus' attention, as evil leprechaun poison infected Yuna predicted.  

"WAH!" Tidus spun around, trying desperately to hide the projection behind his back. He frantically scanned the room with his panicky fluro ocean blue eyes, so fluro they were scary, so fluro they were like lamps, so fluro that the first time Lulu met him she'd tried to make mini curtains to cover his eyes, SO FLURO THAT THE PENNYFARTHING PURIFYING CARTWHEEL SLUT THELMA FROM 'BLUE TOWN BLUES' CAFÉ POOED HER PANTS WITH MINISCULE DONUTS WHO SANG IN THE CHOIR IN TENESEE! Gee, that's fluro for ya. 

"Yuna, you liar! No one's printing my ma, especially not Gemima. She's tried it once before." Tidus scolded.

"Really?"

"YEAH, SO WHAT'S IT TO YA!?" Oh no! Evil Gemima! It would seem she just hasn't learnt her lesson, eh? Would ya like a description, pansy pee pee? Well, think of a bright red haired HUMOUNGOUS ANT! That's Gemima. And she poo's on every third step she makes. Eyyuck. By the way, her hair is in…*DUN DUN DUN*…Piggy tails! Horrible, I know.

"Nothing, nothing. But, Tidus, may I ask you something?" Yuna asked n the voice that can only be described as 'twincy'.

"NO!" And he swung a panda made of eye wrappings at her! But Yuna was swift, and cunning, and had already dodged! She even had her own funky music thing going down, you know? Like "Doo doot doot doo doot doot duna dar!" Sorry, I'm rambling again.

"DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN! Now then, what was it you were watching?" 

"I cannot tell, milady- -"

"TELL ME!!!" And her eyes burned with such ravenous anger and withheld rage that even Kimahri would wet his…rag thing.

"I WAS WATCHING LULU AND WAKKA DO EACH OTHERS HAIR!" He shivered and crawled into a corner, rocking himself back and forth…back and forth…

"Oh? What's so bad about that?"

"…You mean you people accept people knowing of you hair combing routines?" he asked timidly.

"Yeah. Why?" Tidus GASPED! Yes, it was such a gasp I had to write it in capitals. Such a gasp that it was like a vortex, sucking in bugs and dirt and vacuums of space and clothes accessories and even small children!

"In Zanarkand…it was seen as pornography…you know, hardcore stuff…extremely sensual and only done by horny teens and newly we lovers stuff…"

"I'm not sure we should journey to Zanarkand anymore…" Yuna thought a loud. Tidus coughed up a child, whom scampered away.

"Why not?" Tidus questioned, now with a non-child blocked voice.

"Tis a silly place…"

Ah, these Ronso have left me atop the deck! And although it is nice to see the dolphins, there is a considerably smelly child trying to find a spot to grope me. HAS THIS CHILD NO SHAME? Although I did see her shifty parent standing nearby, covered in a large black trench coat, I doubted anyone would help me.

"Hey, you, suitcase…want some help?" Oh. I was wrong.

Yes! Yes! Oh dear God, Yes! I'm so humiliated to be caught, though.

"Well it comes at a price…gotta tell me, where'd ya last see Wakka?"

In the cabin! Third to the right! 

"Good…the deal shall be done…" and then the damn shifty woman grabbed the little girl and threw her off the boat! My kind of lady.

"And don't come back!"

And away the mean lady marched. Gees. We suitcases could use more women like her…

She busily ran her fingers through his soft hair, massaging away what would be tenseness in any normal person's brain. But Wakka rarely thought anyway, so what tenseness was there to massage away? Ah, who cares? She had ten minutes with him, before she turned to her evil-not-so-nice-I'll-burn-your-nuts-if-you-mess-with-me attitude. At least, that's what she thought…

A large axe smashed away at the wood of the door, before a slightly maniacal face popped through the jagged hole she'd created.

"HERE'S JOHNNY!" and with that she burst into evil psychotic laughter. But things did not go to plan. Instead of Lulu screaming like a melting bat and growing one large demon wing like Sephiroth before imploding upon herself, leaving sexy Wakka for all her hormonal lusting, something else happened. Something completely incomprehensible. 

"Hey Johnny. Could you not smash open my door next time? I coulda been naked, ya?"

She was momentarily stunned by the thought of a naked Wakka. Not to mention she'd started drooling…

"Johnny? You there?"

"NO! My real name is…*evil laughter and lightning flashing in background* LORA!" Her evil laughter was suddenly interrupter though.

"Why'd you have to go lie then, ya? What I'm s'posed to be your friend and accept you an' all dat when the first thing I hear out your mouth is a lie?"

"I- well"

"Why don't you leave, you deceiving cunning whore!" Lulu yelled at her. She bowed her head and began to leave, when she suddenly remembered something.

"HEY! I'M THE EVIL ONE, **_YOU_** LISTEN TO **_ME_!!!" Lulu shrugged, and went back to her massaging job, while Wakka's eyes became half lidded as he leaned his head back again. She growled, and smashed the door open even more with her axe, before stepping through.**

"You've got some problems, Lora." 

"SHUTUP, WITCH!"  Her eyes blazed with fiery anger! Luckily she had a spare bucket of water to douse her eyes, which could've been extremely damaging. Remember kids; ALWAYS carry a spare bucket of water!

"Now, this is what we're gonna do…You jump out the window, I strip Wakka of all his clothes, and proceed to make love/rape him, okay?" 

Lulu shrugged.

"Fair enough." And she started to squeeze through the porthole. 

"WAIT! Wait wait wait wait wait!" Wakka yelled. He pulled Lulu back in by her thighs and stared directly at Lora. 

"Now I don't mean to make things complicated girls, but you could always…share me, ya?"

"Good. It goes 80/20, in my favor." Lora announced.

"Why do you get %80 of his hot, hot body?" Lulu complained.

"BECAUSE I'M THE EVIL ONE!"

"…Agreed." 

_Yes!_ Wakka thought. _A threesome, with me and two gilrs! This has **got** to be my birthday or something_…

"But let's just get this straight, I'm not lesbian, alright?" Lora announced. So many announcements from this girl. Sheesh. She should be President or something.

"Damn." Wakka cursed out loud. Oh well, there was always his porn…

HAZAH!

I finally got the third chapter up, this time with Lora in it. Mainly because she's a good FF.Net buddy of mine, and if the rest of ya'll had bothered with some of my other stories with the same type of humor, or with my second chapter, you could've been introduced too! Truly, I got jack all reviews for chapter 2. You should all be ashamed! In case you didn't know, if I don't get reviews, I lose inspiration, and I don't continue! It may take me a while to get these things up, but hey, I don't see YOU with anything as random as this. Now if you excuse me, I shall leave to wallow in my self pity. Please REVIEW, it makes my MONTH! Not my day, not my week, not my fortnight, my MONTH! It was my younger brother's one year death anniversary about 3 weeks ago or so, that's why it wasn't posted then. Now goodbye my HOPEFULLY faithful reviewers. The only real one was Qui-Ti, and Torn Angel only just started reading, so where we the rest of you? Oh well, I can't stay angry at you guys…it's partially my fault too. Bye bye, no hard feelings!


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